She stood without moving for some seconds.
Then her hand searched in blind the small table, next to the bed with the white sheets.
-Unbelievable! It’ s 6 am.
She was surprised with herself. Rarely a book was exciting her in a way to stay sleepless all night. To be more specific, it had only happened once, in the past…
She sent away the memories and looked around her
. Inside the dark hotel room, with the stores shut, time seemed to have stopped. In the hourglass, sand, defying the laws of nature, wasn’t flowing. Ella felt hypnotized. In her mind was still everything she had red in the novel. The way time passed was still a mystery. The pages followed the one the other, keeping her as prisoner, in the charm of the story.
This book made her cry. She didn’t cry often. Or actually she didn’t cry at all. And if she did it was rare, always secretl
y, while feeling ashamed, as if she had been banned from every emotion. This time she avoided to put herself in the place of the book’s heroes. She didn’t look for similarities with her character. She used to though. It was her way to escape, her chance to live something fairy, something that reality couldn’t, or didn’t want to touch…
But this wasn’t a fairytale. It was closer to drama. She didn’t want it this time. But she saw something in these five heroines. She saw her desire to open their wings and leave from the place they grew up, that felt it was trapping them. She showed understanding to their greed, their passion to make their dreams come true. She also saw the consequences of those dreams that no matter how innocent they were in the beginning, then they turned against them.
She saw herself. She wanted leave too – go away. But they burned her wings. They knocked down her dream before even she managed build it. How common and dramatic this phrase sounds! A phrase that hides pain, but has been used so much, so it lost the point.
«What we humans are though! Sometimes I wonder why we’ve been given different name. We are animals after all. But we have brains, they say. And why we use it? To take advantage or hurt people – for any purpose – provided that we’ll benefit ourselves. Animals… How lucky they are! This word reminds me the word life. (TN: In Greek the word for animal is “ζώο – zo-o” and the word for life is “ζωή – zo-i”) Maybe that’s why they are more humane. We’ve lost our humanity long time ago.»
Several things were passing from her mind. Memories that she so quickly sent away before came back now without wanting it. This summer in Thasos had left its sign on her. August, 2010. She remembers everything just as if it was now. They’ve come here Sunday, 22 of August. They would only stay one week. Financial problems didn’t allow more. She was 16 years old then. She was staying at room number 4. Just like now. Weird coincidence. Maybe is wasn’t…
She couldn’t prevent it anymore. She had already remembered everything. Unlike previous years, that before 7 am they were starting their trip from Kastoria to Thasos, this year, because of her mother’s work, they started much later.
Kastoria’s Lake
They only made one stop, in the church of Saint Marina.
Saint Marina Church
She had taken many pictures there. In a moment of excitement she had decided create a memories’ video (just like she knew it was the last time). She abandoned the idea quickly, because her parents simply didn’t offer their cooperation.
In the ship she had an amazing time. It was like a roller coaster. It had many Beaufort. Her mother nearly got sick from her fear. From the one side the ship, which shook too much, and from the other side Ella, which was alone on deck. No one can describe how relieved she felt when she stepped on ea
rth. A twenty-minute car travel followed until they reached hotel. The friendly welcome of the hotel’s people – considered to be family now, after twenty years of holidays in the island – compensated them for the inconvenient travel. Every morning they went to the beach. They were eating to small taverns by the sea in lunch time. And in evening she went for walks in the beach. When the sun was setting she was wearing her white dress and let her hair free. She took out her sandals and walked barefoot in the sand, with her dress and hair waving. This way she felt like fairy, like mermaid. Then she was laying down and watched the sun disappear.
Wonderful memories…
-Why you wanted forget them? she asked herself loudly and curled in bed.
That’s what she was doing on that summer too. With
the difference that then, she was taking her phone and talked for hours with her beloved one. Gabriel. Gods, how handsome he was! Eleven years older. But she didn’t care. They were in love. Does love count anything? It doesn’t. She didn’t love anyone else like him. Not even her husband, that after 2 years of wedding he set her free, telling her that this condition couldn’t be continued. He should probably say he missed his “mommy” who hated Ella from the first moment she met her.
Fate was playing games with her. Just like tonight, that summer she had also stayed awake all night reading a book. There’s no way all these be just coincidence.
She decided to send away her thoughts having to do with God’s conspiracy. She went under hot water but she didn’t make it. Her heart was using the fact that soul and brain left for first time the frozen
memories warm up and wanted suck as many as possible, in case it remembers how it is have feelings.
It had full moon one of those days. August’s moon; The most beautiful from all the rest. She remembered the magical view, as it came out of dark waters and gave them gold color. She used to draw often in the past, either moon’s or sun’s reflection in the sea.
Pictures, smells, smiles, flavors… She remembered everything. She even remembered her silly screams every time she saw a bug, upsetting this way her poor father, who ran from the room next door to “exterminate” it.
She wondered why she never came back so many years.
She couldn’t imagine that the «Good bye» she said this year wouldn’t last until next summer as always, but for so many years.
The summer of 2011 she was busy with her studies. No matter what this year her parents chose Corfu for their summer holidays, not Thasos. The next summer was the year she entered university. She didn’t go again to Thasos. That’s what was going on from now on. Work or travelling to Europe, studies, graduate, carreer as translator, she even opened her own translating office – and quite successful in fact. She had ended up being a workaholic. Who? The one her mother called her lazy all the time.
She had frequent contact with Fanny lady. She was the only one reminding her she’s still a human. From the other side she talked little with her dad. Few words, but correct. He’s always been like this.
She didn’t even know why she decided to take this journey. To remember the past, was what she said to her friend Eva. Huge lie. She was avoiding memories like hell incense. To speak the truth though, not many things have changed. The tavern next to the sea where she often ate with her parents was still there, but now boss was the talkative son of the boss that was once. The hotel was still hidden under vines, or “green sea” if you could watch them from above. The scenery was pretty. Atmosphere was warm, friendly. Everything around was taking out love. But inside her? Blank.
The Island of Thasos
She got out of shower almost running, got dressed quickly and walked until the pier, just like that summer. Sun was not up in the sky yet. It was cool. She greedily inhaled fresh air and examined around her.
All were the same. The lighthouse, the small boats, the palm trees. She enjoyed the peaceful image.
Her mind was now flooded with more memories. Gabriel’s face invaded her brain.
-Where is he now?
She took her cell phone out of her bag and formed a number. She hadn’t forgotten it, even though it’s been years. She was praying it was still working, ignoring the voice of logic inside her, which said that miracles don’t happen nowdays. «The number you have called probably has switched off his phone. Please try later». It didn’t hurt her neither she thought it wasn’t worth it calling. She just wished he was happy.
She decided make another phone call. This time she phoned her secretary. She knew she would be in office.
-Hello. This is…
-Juliet, it’s me, she said with strict voice that all her staff members recognised and probably were afraid of. I don’t know what you are going to do but I need as soon as possible to find me a ticket for Japan. I need to leave quickly. Understood?
The Mount Fuji in Japan
-Yes, madam.
She tried hide unseccessfully the surprise in her voice. Her boss was hardly on vocation and now not only she’s gone to Thasos, but also wants travel to Japan too.
-Single or return?
-Single. I’ll stay for long time. And… Juliet?
-Yes?
-When you find my ticket you can leave. Take the rest day off.
She closed the phone immediately. She didn’t have the mood to hear her secretary’s thankful words, but in her lips she already had a secret smile.
She thought the crazy thing she had just done. Since she lost the man that loved more than anything else, at least she should make the journey – her life’s dream true.
She looked at her watch. It was almost 8 o’clock. The sky was very beautiful.
Someone who probably enjoyed the morning’s cool weather appeared and she approached him silently.
-Do you have a lighter?
He got surprised. Nearly scared that saw her.
Ella wondered. She tried bring in her memory those 1-2 seconds she looked herself in the mirror before she leaves her room. She had of course dark circles under her eyes as result of the sleepless night she had just passed but she was still pretty. Black eyes, long curly hair, tall with female body. She was getting prettier while growing up. Gabriel had told her too. «You are becoming more beautiful every day.»
Then she realised it. She had worn white dress without understanding it. In her hurry to leave the hotel’s room she didn’t even notice what she was putting on.
She decided to try again. She took out of her bag the silver case she had to put her cigarettes in and asked once more.
-You have a lighter?
-Eh, eh , yes. One… One second.
She couldn’t stand the men that minced their words. She put the cigarette in her mouth, lightened it, gave back the lighter and approached the waterfront, enjoying sun’s touch in her face and hair. She was sure that the stranger was looking at her but she didn’t care.
Her day dreaming was stopped by the phone.
-Yes?
-Miss Ella, Juliet here. I called to inform you about your flight. It’s in Tuesday, at 8 am.
-Thank you. And as we said. Go home now. Or out. Or wherever you want anyway.
-Thank you very much.
-Bye Juliet.
She smiled satisfied. She waited for 22 years. Since she was 14 she knew she wanted to go to Japan. In her 36th year she would finally do it. She felt secure. When you win again your lost dreams what can you be afraid of?
She looked the landscape without paying attention and inhaled her cigarette.
We should be careful.
Life is like a cigarette. Before you even enjoy it, you see it become smoke…
By Rin Storm…
Dreamland… 
Missing… 
Kastoria’s Lake 
Saint Marina Church
The Island of Thasos
The Mount Fuji in Japan
Rin~Storm... 
